Did you know that 80-90% of divorces that go through mediation result in a successful agreement. I want to take a moment to emphasize the importance of preparing for mediation—not just practically, but also from a mindset perspective. Spending some time up front in planning will pay dividends to you when you are in the mediation room and in your final Marriage Settlement Agreement.
PREPARATION
IS THE KEY 
Feeling prepared can significantly impact your experience in mediation. Here are a few strategies to help you walk into the room with confidence:
Know Your Non-Negotiables
Identify what’s truly important to you. Understanding your priorities will give you leverage during discussions.
Understand Your Ex’s Perspective
Consider what matters to your ex-partner. This insight can help you propose solutions that are mutually beneficial.
Financial Clarity
Take the time to evaluate your finances, have a realistic budget on what you would need to live and a gameplan of how this can be achieved based on the income, assets, liabilities and future potential income between the two of you.
Grounding Tool
Bring something into the room with you that you can use when you start to feel stressed or dysregulated to calm you back down. I had a ring on my finger that a friend had given me and I would spin it on my finger under the table to remind myself that I was safe and everything was going to be OK.
Embrace the Mindset of a Business Negotiation
Mediation is fundamentally a business negotiation. By shifting your perspective, from emotional to rational, you can approach the process with a more constructive attitude. This is your opportunity to craft creative solutions tailored to your family’s unique needs, whether it’s establishing a parenting plan or dividing assets.
Unlike courtroom battles, where a judge makes decisions without truly knowing your family’s dynamics, mediation allows you to retain control over the outcomes that will affect your life moving forward.
Going into mediation with the belief that you will come to an agreement you can both live with will help you stay focused on the end goal and not resort to the defeatist mindset that court is a good option.
Personal Examples of Creative Solutions
In my own mediation experience, I found that thinking outside the box can lead to solutions that truly benefit everyone involved. For instance, I agreed to bring my kids to visit their dad in the Philippines for two weeks for the first two summers (that is where he chose to live the majority of the year post-divorce). This arrangement allowed him to have the kids for his full 25% of the time, which I felt was in my kids best interest. His company covered our flights and I paid for my solo travel while he had them.
While this may seem unusual, it worked for our family. I wanted my kids to have a strong relationship with their dad, and my love for travel turned this into a win-win situation for me as well. In hindsight, I might have negotiated for more help with my travel expenses, but it’s essential to remember that you won’t always see into the future. You may look back and think about what you could have done differently, but focusing on the big-picture solutions that serve your family’s best interests is what truly matters.
Another example from my mediation was the decision regarding our family home. I kept the family home, but we made a unique arrangement where my ex would remain on the mortgage and I would refinance to my own name within three years, allowing me the time to stabilize my finances. This unconventional approach worked for us, luckily even if we were not thrilled with each other, we did still trust each other to have the best intentions for our families financial picture, again keeping the kids best interest in mind. In today’s environment with much higher interest rates, this type of arrangement could help keep more resources within the family as interest rates start to come back down.
One other note, be careful if your lawyer encourages you to go to court early into mediation. If you cannot come to an agreement, consider getting the opinion of a second lawyer before letting your lawyer convince you that court is a good approach. My ex chose a bad lawyer and early in mediation, he stopped listening to his lawyer because his lawyer kept telling him that we should go to court. Unfortunately, there are some bad lawyers out there who do not have their clients' best interests in mind.
Create a Divorce Binder
One practical way to prepare is by creating a divorce binder. Organizing all relevant information into clearly labeled tabs can be a game-changer; mine was bright red, I still have it in my drawer to remind myself that I am stronger than I think I am.
Having this information at your fingertips not only boosts your confidence but also signals to the other party that you are well-prepared and serious about finding a resolution.
Avoid a Courtroomr
Mediation is a valuable opportunity to address your family’s needs thoughtfully and collaboratively. By approaching it with the right mindset and thorough preparation, you can navigate this process with greater ease and confidence.
If you have any questions or would like to discuss this further, feel free to reach out. I’m here to support you on this journey.
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