Welcome everybody to another episode of seasons, ebb and flow. Thank you for being here. I am very excited to interview Colleen. She is a friend of mine, and she has wonderful program. She is a coach. and I’m going to let her tell us a little bit about what she does, and today we are going to be talking a little bit about the divorce story that we embrace the story about our marriage, the story about ourselves, the story about the divorce and how it affects us, and how the story we choose can change the trajectory of how the future of our lives. So but I’m st going to let Colleen tell us a little bit about herself and what she does. Well, thank you, Lee. It’s good to be here.

 My name is Colleen, and I am twice divorced, so I am qualified to be here, and what I do for my day job is, I am actually a drinking coach. I work with high achieving professional women to reduce their alcohol consumption by %. You don’t have to quit, but you do have to do the work and commit to your personal growth. And so I guide women through that process, because so much out there is, you know, it’s all or nothing. You either have to get sober, and so many of us get in the weeds, especially with divorce. I mean, that’s how I know all about this. And so I have an alternative path that is really like the name of my podcast is, it’s not about the alcohol. It’s about healing your relationship with yourself and showing up because. If you felt powerful and competent and confident and playful in your life. You would drink like somebody who feels powerful and confident and playful in your life, and so I help women, you know, adjust their approach to life from the inside, working with their emotional states, working with their thought processes and their energy and their stories. As we’re going to talk about today, instead of focusing on their behavior. which, as we know, if you’ve ever gone on a diet restricting your food intake usually is a Yo-yo situation, same thing with alcohol, you know, people get on and off the wagon, and it really just perpetuates the idea that you need to worry about it or work on it, and the truth is no, you just need to become the version of you who doesn’t hold yourself back or shoot yourself in the foot. Yes, alright, that was wonderful. And she will talk at the end just a little bit about her program. Her program’s amazing. And so I encourage everybody to investigate it, if you have any interest. And so let’s just start off. What were some of the lessons that you learned about yourself? Post your st divorce, and then your second divorce, because. as we get older and grow over time, we are constantly learning and growing, and divorce brings up a lot of change and lessons. Yeah. Well, I learned that wherever you go, there you are, and that the sooner I am able to figure out how I am the source of my own distress, my thoughts about my husband’s thoughts, or my feelings, or the way I’m showing up what I am putting up with, the sooner I can take full responsibility for why I feel the way I feel, and take the corrective actions to take care of myself, instead of waiting for somebody else to change or give me permission or approval like my needs are not a group project, and my needs are not negotiable and trying to bend into somebody else’s expectations, or sacrifice my own happiness to make somebody else happy turns out neither of those strategies are effective. So what I learned is that I am responsible for my life. I am responsible for my own happiness, whether I’m in a relationship or not. Yeah, that makes so much sense. I I definitely, when I looked back on my marriage, I realized that there were a lot of periods where I was very unhappy and lonely, and some of that was tied to the dynamic between us. But some of it was just me. I wasn’t fulfilled in my own day to day life, and in my mind it was because of him and the way he acted, and and there was so many things that I wasn’t doing to help find fulfillment, and I was looking to him to provide that, and nobody else can make you happy, and you have to tap into that. And so I had a lot of learning to do. And I think post divorce. It’s really healthy to take that time, not date, and find things that light you up and relearn how to find joy for yourself and fulfillment. And yeah.

 For me a lot of it when I look back. My st husband and I got together when we were still in college. I mean I wasn’t even the day I met him, and we were married at the age of , and very happy. But we were both perfectionists, very, very driven, you know. By the time we were we had adult full time post college jobs. We had purchased our st bedroom home, brand new cars, and then started having kids immediately. And I was on track to be what I thought a successful adult was. And I was so listening to the programming of what I was supposed to want, and who I was supposed to be, and what my life was supposed to look like, that that required me to disconnect from the felt experience of that life, and my brain was so dopaminergic. I was always thinking I would be happy when. as soon as this happens, or that happens, and my st husband was the same way. We were wired the same way, and we were together years and had children. But what slowly happened to me over time is that I painted myself into a corner, if you will, where I was the traditional, I stayed at home with the kids, and I helped him with his career, and all of that is fine and good. But I lost myself. I didn’t feel fulfilled. I felt like I was sacrificing or giving something up, which, whether I was or whether I wasn’t. you know I was kind of running away from that feeling. And so early in my life as a mom of , I started drinking wine every night, you know, because raising kids, it’s like my big mental stimulation was trying to convince a year old that yes, you are wearing panties to the grocery store, and I’m sorry your gaki’s hurt, you know, but I didn’t have. I have a big, busy brain, and I like to have adult conversations, and a lot of those needs weren’t met. And then, as my husband’s career grew, and he wasn’t home, you know. I just felt more and more like I was the very last person on my own list, and I came by that thought and belief honestly as well, because when you have kids and a busy husband with a full time career like the the one person’s opinion you can afford to ignore is your own. 

But over time I was kind of just trading my own needs for drink tickets, you know if I could just get everything done. Then I could pour a double, you know, and I wasn’t ever a drunk, you know. I didn’t drive around drunk. I didn’t drink during the day, but I looked forward every single evening to kind of that soothing relief that escape from my my body, telling me that maybe I could. I I needed more than what I was doing, and it was just a slow boil into a nightly ritual with alcohol and my st marriage. I wouldn’t say ended because I was drinking that much. I was, but it was not something that felt abnormal. It didn’t fuel all of our fights. Certainly it did not help. Yeah. But it did also keep me from really addressing my own responsibility in it. I thought, when I went into my st divorce, that I was empowering myself, and we’re going to be the best co-parents and move forward. I didn’t want the story as you talked about. I didn’t want the story that he hurt me, or that I hurt him. and I was frustrated with his, you know, needing to cling on and and have those below the belt. you know, hits and stuff, you know. It was very hard to navigate. But for me, what I see now is that my lack of financial independence in that st marriage I came to believe I’m not saying anything about him, nor am I saying anything about objective reality. I came to believe that I couldn’t make it on my own, I wouldn’t be able to support myself. And as we moved into that year, Mark, you know his income. He’s been working a corporate. He’s the CEO of a hospital, and he’s making all this money, and I didn’t teach very long and let my license go. And so, as I looked at the divorce process, I’m sitting here facing how I can’t sustain the lifestyle that me and my kids are used to. And I believed that, and so turns out. You know I I did alone, and I cried, and I grieved the marriage. But then I still had that belief that I wasn’t going to be able to support myself, and in comes a night in a white, shiny porsche, and I just picked up where I left off. On board. Pretty soon, instead of having kids, I had , and instead of one husband I had that I was accountable for, and then went into that second marriage. really even thinking that I was being rescued. but ultimately, having given away my own power like, I don’t want to be rescued. I want to do my own thing. And so ultimately, you know, that led to really not a great fit in that marriage. I don’t know how long it would have lasted, no matter what. but also I then started drinking even more and more to cover up the fact or deal with the fact that I felt so disempowered and disenfranchised, because now a second marriage, I’m not running all the checkbooks like I did in my st marriage, and I just felt, you know, kind of like really well paid help is what I. Yeah. So you had not tapped into that power that you knew was in you. And so you were just in the same situation, different environment, slightly different roof over your head. But the feelings about yourself were the same, and that. Yeah. Feeling like you weren’t having the impact on the world and the stimulation that you wanted. Well, I wouldn’t have even been able to articulate that at the time in I had a lot of unprocessed feelings, and I projected all of my resentment onto my second husband. You know that I had to wait for him on him. I had to handle all of the household stuff, and I was very frustrated with that. I wouldn’t have told you that there was anything wrong except him. Yes. You know. Until you felt that way until you got divorced from him, and then started. I know. And all of this, or. Hmm! So what happened was I was my. I was technically addicted to alcohol. I was drinking every single day. and it got to a point in early Covid where I’m like. I don’t care if I’m living in a van down by the river. I can’t keep doing this, and I can’t keep doing this to myself. And because it was Covid, there was really only one thing I could change, you know, and that was the drinking. And so I thought, you know what I’m going to quit drinking. And so I quit drinking initially, because I thought, I’m getting a divorce from this motherfucker, and I’m not doing that again. Drunk like, if I’m doing this, I’ve got to bring my a game. And so what I ended up doing was, I then realized. Oh, I’m my own problem. Maybe it’s not him at all. And so I just kind of neutralized this once I spent a couple months doing work on myself. I kind of just neutralized this idea that I want to get a divorce and just thought, no, I want to be happy whether that’s in this marriage or out of this marriage. I’m going to be happy, and I’m not going to be attached to the results. So I then started doing the work on myself, and years later was when I had achieved, I am happy. and I’m not going to do this marriage anymore, like, I’m happy. But I didn’t blame him. It was the best divorce ever like. We didn’t get lawyers. We just sat down on a weekend. I gave him the the. I’m sorry. It’s not me. It’s you speech, and we’re done, and we we still lived together for another or months until he was able to move on, and it was very amateur. I didn’t leave him. I just decided this isn’t a good fit for me anymore, and I need to do my own thing. So it was a much different experience of divorce. Because I there was no, there was nothing to blame, no one to blame. I wish him the best. We’re still friends. And I just decided. But I didn’t have to escape the marriage, because ultimately what I had to do is fix myself. Exactly. I think that the amicable divorces tend to happen when each side takes or acknowledges that blaming the other person is not going to help the process. And a lot of that healing still takes a lot of time like you did those years in the marriage healing and growing. A lot of people have to do a lot of that post divorce. 

I think it’s wonderful you were able to get to the point where you knew what you needed to be happy, and you were happy going into the divorce because it actually springboards you right after the divorce, to have the motivation and energy that sometimes can take a while for a lot of us to to get to post divorce. So you were ready, after that second divorce, to take on the world, which that’s a pretty. Having gone through it, especially the st time, you know we spend so many, so much time trying to answer the question, should I mend, or should I end? And you know I got caught up. Probably the end of my st marriage was a year process of of coming to that decision. And I feel like, you know, if I had to give someone advice, I would say like, maybe that’s the wrong question again, like, what is it that you need to be happy. I did change the rules in my second marriage, and I have to hand my now ex-husband a lot of credit, and that like I was so afraid if I stopped, let’s say making him breakfast every morning, because I’m going to go work on this business. I’m creating that, you know I well, I couldn’t work on my business because I have to make him breakfast, and instead, I just said. Oh, I can’t make you breakfast, because I have to work on my business, and then let him adjust like. Let him own his feelings, not make his feelings a problem. I mean, I’ve trained him to expect me to make him breakfast, and now I’m not so if you want to pout like let me know when you’re done, and we can go out later for dinner or something. But so I got a lot of experience becoming who I, becoming comfortable with boundaries right in the marriage that I did always know it wasn’t going to last, but I was able to practice setting those boundaries and and allowing him. You know he wasn’t abusive. He didn’t scream, you know. There it was, just I saw how far I could change right in the middle of a relationship and actually change the dynamics of the relationship which allowed me to show up for our divorce and show him how we’re gonna do this. Yeah. We’re not going to be below the oh, you know, you’re having a pissy like. Let’s take a time out and not reacting to his reactions, giving him his space, not making his feelings a problem, engaging with him when he was being respectful, and then when he wasn’t, we’ll have to reschedule this for another time, like I learned so much in the marriage. Yeah. Before I ended it. Yeah, you basically learned how to step into your own personal power and be assertive, not a bitch, but assertive and create healthy boundaries and and then that’s the nice thing is you learned all of that and then realize this marriage isn’t gonna work for us. And that’s okay. We don’t hate each other. It’s just it’s run its course. But those are. I think those are all really important lessons that people either have to learn in the marriage and realize they have to leave or work on learning and building those skills. And I think many of us come out of a marriage and we’ve shrank to fit into some kind of a box. lost our spark. Don’t even know what makes us happy anymore, and we get out of the marriage, knowing that that’s not working anymore. But then we have to learn how to reclaim our power and. Yeah. I didn’t even know what boundaries were when I got divorced like I swear I got a book that was called Boundaries, and I was like, I don’t really understand it. I didn’t even understand the book like it really took a lot. I grew up in a household where boundaries were not a thing, nobody had them. So yeah, there’s a lot of new learning that has to take place, whether it’s at the end of a marriage or post divorce. So. And that’s where I think, changing your goal from. Should I mend, or should I end if you’re in a safe home? I wasn’t being beaten. Everything was fine instead of like focusing on. I can’t be happy until I get this divorce, and then throwing my life into yet another financial catastrophic chaos, upheaval with the kids and everything, and just focusing on my own happiness and then just delaying like what I’m going to do with that happiness. It really changes things because I know so many people are like, I can’t. I have to escape this marriage because I’m not happy. I remember my catching my own thought process. Because I’m like I’m going to get a divorce because I’m so fucking lonely. He’s never here, you know. He he’s always doing his own thing. And then the thought, I had a little giggle because I was like, Oh, you’re going to get a divorce and be less lonely. Right. I’m sorry. Loneliness is not a lack of a people problem. It’s a lack of connection with yourself. And when I realized that, like, I don’t have to get a divorce to solve the loneliness problem. And so I began to take responsibility. You know, what am I doing? What do I need. And if he’s not the person that can meet that. then, you know, am I doing groups or or other friendships or activities? I started working on a business and traveling for my networking opportunities and stuff. And I just started living a life right in the middle of my current life. and then just decided at some point. Yeah, it’s time to go. Yeah, I I definitely can relate to that. Like, I think also, when you have younger kids, it’s totally different, like they need you so much and so making time for yourself is harder. But as your kids get older, you’re so used to still making those constant sacrifices, or putting everybody first, st or just saying, Oh. I shouldn’t either spend the money or the time, and you have to like, retrain, and come up with a whole new set, as your kids need you less and allow yourself to start a business or travel, or whatever it is that’s going to make you happy. And you’re if you’re gonna stay in the marriage. It means there might be new rules and norms that need to be created. So yeah, it’s a again, like a rethinking and reframing and creating new stories, process itself. Yeah. About for you. How did you process and handle any feelings of guilt or shame that was tied to so many people? Some of my clients who are in that stay or go phase like they really want out, but, like those feelings of guilt and shame, really hold them from taking any action. I guess what I would say. There, this is more of a coaching answer. I can’t say I did this great. but it’s more of making room for the whole truth. You don’t. There is no one truth of I want to leave. I want to stay. and allowing both things to coexist is a really big step in in letting go of that emotional inflammation like you are going to feel guilty. But that does that. Guilt doesn’t have to control you. You know all of this has to be processed, and I think it’s it’s there’s a big difference between allowing your emotions to be there versus wallowing in them or making them be a pity party, because if guilt is controlling you, I can’t leave, because I’d be breaking up my family. 

Well, then, what happens is you’re not telling yourself the whole truth, which is oh, you can leave like. The whole truth is, you can walk out that front door and never talk to anybody again. So let’s start with the whole truth. What are you choosing to do? And if you don’t acknowledge you have a choice to stay or to go, and that neither choice is perfect. And. It’s going to be messy. If you stay, you’re going to be giving up something, and if you go, you’re also going to have guilt, you know it’s. And so if you stay, and you think you don’t have a choice because of the guilt, then you get all this resentment, and that’s going to bite you in the ass, too, you know, and then you end up having affairs or spending money. You shouldn’t. because fuck that guy. I have to stay here, you know, and so, allowing your emotions to control you is, you know, a sure way to lead yourself into self sabotage. So I think, breaking any emotion you do have open into the whole truth. and then allowing. and you can oscillate back and forth like allowing the truth of I want to leave, and I’m choosing to stay because I need to go back to school. And with the little kids right now, like whatever whatever your choice is just acknowledging that you are making that choice from a place of power, and when you are making it from a place of power, then any any pain has a through line. You know. There’s a purpose to this suffering, you know, if that makes sense. Yeah, absolutely. I I, even where I’m gonna come to the section of a question about stories. But one of my clients believes this story has been trying to split from their their partner for years, actually. But the partner keeps giving them this story that the partner sees about them and their relationship, and why they shouldn’t go, and they embrace that other person’s story and then keep the guilt and then stagnate. And so I think stories and what we believe is so important and so now, kind of to use that as like a little bit of a transition, you have shared on a previous podcast of your own about one of your clients who had a story that was really hurting her. If you want to share a little bit about that, I think it will be really helpful for people. Well, I think it’s common in a lot of marriages that experience infidelity. The person who was cheated on can use that story as a reason to remain a victim and to remain absolutely miserable. And I have, like a radical radical perspective on infidelity. And I’m not saying like I’m for it, or or anything like that. But in reality nothing actually happened to the person who was harmed. It is all a story like we are culturally programmed to see fidelity as a make or break. You know. I mean, we don’t. Often, if your husband runs up a bunch of gambling debt, we don’t often associate that with a make or break of the marriage, or if they get a dui, we don’t associate that with a make or break, but if they have an affair then in our culture, why would you stay? You have to leave. You have to react as though it was the biggest betrayal of your life and this particular client. She had found out, after years of marriage, that her husband was like a serial philanderer. She didn’t know that. and in that moment the trauma of that which she’s traumatizing herself here because of how she’s responding and not getting the support and allowing this story, not only did it cost her the next years, because she was so bitter, and blamed the divorce, and blamed everything. She also robbed herself of the past. because now every memory that she ever had was contaminated with this somebody who told you. And now there’s words in your head that he was out fucking somebody else right after that birthday party, or whatever it is. And so she, basically this story, this one story I’m not saying the marriage shouldn’t have ended. I mean, it sounds like he needs to get some therapy, and and she needs to free herself from that. But she allowed that story to rob her and her children of the past a relationship that might be manageable with her ex. Because it because everybody had to go to war against what he did to her. And when you look at this on a big, you know, zoom out to the moon and look down at the earth. Nobody did anything to her like. He didn’t do. This is his issue, and yes, you know, maybe he gave her a I don’t even think he gave her an Std. But you know something like that. Well, then, there’s but even that. like people give you the flu, too, you know it’s this shame, and it’s the learned and conditioned response that we have, that your life has been ruined and he’s horrible. And once a cheater, always a cheater betrayal, victimhood, and she could not shake it. And years. This was an intake. She was a client, and I didn’t understand. This had happened years ago. and she is still living in the trauma of that moment as though it just happened. And her kids she was telling me about her kids and the ex and her kids are in like their forties. I’m like what the heck is going on here. And so she was so caught up she became. She adopted this identity of a woman wronged and didn’t, didn’t see beyond what else could be true. Yes, absolutely, and I think that is the key to finding your own happiness is letting go of. I mean, 

I do believe you have to work through the pain and let yourself feel and not stuff it down. So it doesn’t stain your body and cause disease. And a lot of us today struggle with feeling our feelings and sitting in the discomfort. But once you’ve done that. and you want to move on creating a story that that helps you move on and, like my ex and I are very amicable. And throughout we’ve pretty much done holidays together with the kids like for us. That was a huge priority. And but that means we both had to let go of so much hurt that did happen. And even during the divorce the divorce wasn’t a pretty process for us, and we had to. I had to let go of control in so many ways. My ex decided he wasn’t gonna live in the country anymore, post divorce, and would be here like % of the time to have the kids. And so many people were like, have you told him how bad that is? And I knew that he would never change his mind. I couldn’t change his mind in the marriage. There was no point. It was like. Shaming him and yelling at him. I just there were so many things I just let go, but that made us be able to be friends again for our kids. I feel like it was such a great gift, and for me it freed me to not like. Hold on to that. My kids told us that we both say the same story to them, and it’s almost like we come like agreed that we say, like we had a really good run. We had so much fun together, learned a lot, had amazing kids, and then it ran its course like, Wow, he says that, too. But that was kind of how we both looked at it, and it made it possible for us to still kind of be a family that has a different shape. Well, and what I’ll say is, not everybody. Is that lucky? And you’re still gonna have to deal with how you show up and not pay attention. Kind of like horse blinders, you know, for me. I like to set emotional goals. How do I want to feel about my divorce? I want to feel like we had a good run. That guy sure was cute when he’s I wish the best for him. He’s a good dad. Yeah, he doesn’t always show up when he says, and yeah, there’s a little financial imbalance or whatever. But this is my family. and I want to feel positive about it, and choosing how you show up is the only way to counterbalance the toxicity that some people have to deal with, and I know I spend a lot of time fighting that that somebody is going to have a bad attitude or say bad things about me, and I guess you know I have heard. It is not the. It’s the conflict that kills our kids that hurts our kids and like at some point, you do have to just let go. If somebody I mean you’re getting a divorce for a reason. And there’s going to be some of those reasons that have the kids, and there’s nothing you can do about that, and trying to control what the other person is saying, and spending your energy trying to manage someone else’s thoughts and feelings is an exercise in insanity. And so I think it not. Everybody’s that lucky, and you can still choose your own joy, and to show up in integrity, and how you want to show up for your kids, because your kids will figure it out at some point. It’ll be sad when they do. Absolutely. And I think that there’s certain things like I started focusing so much on myself. And I started doing Latin dancing, and that a gift that happened to me was his new girlfriend, who’s now his wife blocked me from all of their social media, which at st I was like. That’s so childish, and but honestly, it was such a gift. I had no idea what they were doing. They travel a lot. I think if I had seen some of that it would have drawn me back into. That’s not fair, you know. I have this harder life. I have the kids most of the time things like that. But I just that was all like, and it was easier because they live on the other side of the world. So I there isn’t like I wasn’t seeing them a lot with the handoffs and stuff. So honestly, I think there, there are pros and cons to every situation. But I feel like mine actually was a gift for me. But I think I then just was so focused on me and my healing and my growing, and my joy, finding fun that I focused on them so little. I totally acknowledge that he’s a very rational person, and so, you know, we didn’t get emotional. We? I didn’t get mean horrible texts, and when people get that it’s much harder to stay in that positive story. So yes, I recognize that I am very lucky in that respect, but. Yeah. But even what you just shared there was an example of you choosing to make a story about the fact that you were blocked. Some people could. All, many people would also choose that it’s never been right, and his new horror blocked me so we couldn’t actually be a family. And it’s like learning to work with what you got, accepting what is, instead of arguing until you are blue in the face and exhausted about what should be. It just is what it is. How do I make the best of this? And how do I choose my own happiness? Because you’re the one that would be suffering right now if you were holding that against him or her. And. That is the personal radical responsibility that we can take is understanding what I’m choosing to pay attention to what what I choose to make a problem out of whether it’s somebody’s feelings or whether it’s somebody’s social media shit, whatever like that’s then, you know where you’re spending your attention. And that’s you have to experience that in your body. Your anger like they say you can’t, you know, anger is like, or resentment, or whatever is like eating poison, and expecting somebody else to die. Yeah. You have to want to be happy and not be looking for every reason to forego your happiness, because there’s always going to be reasons. Yes, absolutely, and that even there’s that saying you have to love your kids more than you hate your ex, and if you are focused on them and wanting bad for them. Or you’re not focused on yourself and your kids end up being in that crossfire. And so yeah, it’s focused. And I would say, you have to love yourself. I would say, because and and we do say, and I would have said the same thing. You have to love your kids, but I have to tell you like, even when I had to make decisions. And you know, I knew the kids would be better off with me, because I’m the mom, and I always have been, and my ex-husband doesn’t even know how to cook and all that, and having to put myself st like, do my business. and insist that he take the kids on his time was really hard, but I, also, loving myself, was actually the best thing I could do for my children. teaching them how to be resilient, how to start a career when you’re years old and knock it out of the park. When you know, years ago you were a little drunk and hung over most days. and showing them that that requires you to to say no, that requires you to let other people be okay with less than you know you would be providing for them, because what you are providing for them is a whole person and a role model, as a as a woman who is capable of taking care and doing the hard things. Yes, absolutely. And I think it is so wonderful for kids to see their mom take a stand for themselves like not settle in a relationship to be treated terribly, and either stand up for themselves and change the dynamic or leave rather than modeling for your kids. Well, I don’t want to break up the family. So I’m going to stay here in this really unhealthy relationship, but also like seeing their mom take a stand and build something or get a job that empowers them. And that is also role modeling so many important things. But yeah, it’s a complete mindset shift, especially if you’ve been a stay at home, mom, and kind of controlled all their actions and activities. And so there’s there’s a lot of mindset shifts that have to take place. One of the litmus tests I’ve always asked or thought of or relied on is, would I choose this for my own daughter? And if the answer is no, then get your ass into gear, because it’s you’re not saving her pain by teaching her that sacrificing yourself for her own children. Right, you know, that’s not. We’ve been raised to look at moms as martyrs. And we that’s not going well. Hi! There’s millions of women with alcohol use disorder. There are millions of women with mental health issues, and you know, financial disempowerment. And you know, we’re not able to support ourselves in midlife or whatever. And we can’t pass that on to the next generation. No, absolutely. I know. I think of a funny story. When my kids were really little, my mom was visiting, and she was making me some food, and she’s like, Oh, do you want some blueberries? And I was like, no, those are for the kids. She’s like what you don’t deserve blueberries, and I was like. she’s like, if you want blueberries, you should eat some blueberries, and it just kind of like was a little wake up. Call about how. Yeah, I was like, focused on them eating healthy. And I didn’t need to get. I only eat their leftover tater tots. If there’s blueberries smashed on the floor later, I’ll just finish those. That’s how I. For years, too. Right. Kids plates. And yeah, and we just lose ourselves. And I think, you know, just to bring it kind of full circle whether you’re getting a divorce or not. Start dating yourself like. Now, as a divorced woman, I am my own life partner, and I am not taking any applications for for any like. If I ever get into another relationship, I’m sure I will. I’m only , but I will be a whole person. and I’m not shopping for a new life partner, and that’s of the things I think that that is different.

 Once you’ve gone through a divorce you don’t have to go shopping for a new life partner. You become your own life partner. st of all, anybody that you attract is going to be so much better off than some some other half of a person looking for the missing half, you know, and avoiding those same patterns that we walked into like become your own life, partner, like to me like I do things for myself. I take myself on date nights. you know, instead of like, oh, I have to learn to do stuff by myself, I’m like, oh, I’d be able to take colleen to the Embassy and take her to a show, because I know she likes that, and. No. Write myself little post-it notes in my bathroom, like my spouses. Both used to. Both of them were kind and little. Love. You notes. I just write myself a love. You note. It’s amazing. Yes, I love that alright, I love that. And so we’ll end on such a positive note. Where can people find you if they are interested. My social media handles. I’m on Tiktok and Instagram and Facebook as the hangover whisperer. So hangover, whisper. And then my podcast is, it’s not about the alcohol. Okay, wonderful. And I’ll put all of that in the show notes, and I’ll put a link to a little bit about your program as well, if anybody’s interested. And I just want to say, Thank you so much. This was a great conversation, and I think it will benefit a lot of people. So. Good to talk to you, Lee. Thank you. Yes. alright!