Life is all about choices and we have a big choice to make when divorce is a part of our life. Whether you wanted the divorce or not, it is an important time for self reflection and growth. 

Even if your ex was toxic, understanding the behavior patterns that you participated in can teach you a lot so that you don’t repeat unhealthy patterns in future relationships. 

It is also helpful to understand why we chose that partner because many times we choose someone who is familiar based on childhood parental relationships that might not have brought out the best in us. Until we can see these choices and understand why we made them, we will possibly continue to repeat some of the mistakes we made in the past. 

Once you start doing the work, you feel empowered and hopeful for the future and any feelings of victimhood fall away. However, give yourself time, I was not ready to do too much deep excavation the first two years after I got separated. 

Unconsciously, I knew I needed to rebuild my confidence and find joy again before I could go into some of the harder parts of the self work. So pace yourself, give yourself grace and be patient with the healing process.