Choose your Battles

Lee Israch Wright

Certified Divorce Coach

Lee talks about the importance of choosing your battles with your ex during the divorce process and beyond. The chances are high that your ex will keep doing many of the behaviors that drove you crazy when you were married. You can choose when to engage with your ex about these behaviors now because you can take the time to decide if it is really helpful to address them. Lee recommends asking yourself what is your agenda or end goal from bringing up an issue and do you think that by bringing up there will be a change of behavior or awareness on the part of your ex-partner. The answer to this question will help determine whether it is worthwhile bringing it up and then the choice is how you bring it up in order to keep the co-parenting relationship intact. She reminds us that it is a gift to our kids to keep a healthy co-parenting relationship and by choosing your battles with your ex, you are essentially giving your kids a gift from the heart.

Hey everybody, lee here, divorce coach. And today I want to talk about choosing your battles that I believe is so crucial for the success of a long-term co-parenting relationship but obviously one ofthe reasons that you are leading to a divorce is because you as acouple did not do a very good job. Working through, disagreements healing. Coming back together or figuring out ways to resolve conflict. And so during a divorce when you’re both stressed and everything is so much more tense, the disagreements can get so much more heightened so much more emotional and can really do some damage to the co-parenting relationship. So my belief is that choosing your battles and Cognizing that most of the stuff is honestly not worth addressing. Unless it’s literally hurting you or hurting someone else in a waythat is going to do long-term damage. And obviously if that’s the case, then it needs to beaddressed.

But you know the little frustrations that were really annoying when you were married to that person like them being inconsiderate. ER it or not responding to your text in a timely manner or they need toput money into an account and it takes them four days to do it and they don’t respond. But finally, you see the money and they count. Those are all things that probably were things that were frustrating for you.

When youwere married to that person and you had disagreements then and you couldn’t resolve it. So the reality is there’s probably not going to be Acknowledgement or resolution to disagreements about those things. So, choosing whether it’s really worth having that argument with that person choosing, what is your agenda or end goal before you bring something up and the way that you bring it up, we’ll make a difference.

But honestly, I let so many little things go. While we were going through the divorce and now as we are co-parents post-divorce, Horse that I look back and I’m like maybe there were some things. I probably should have been alittle better at just accepting that that’s who he is and not bringing them up when I was married. But I definitely learned that lesson is part of my goal to have a healthy strong working co-parenting relationship. So just really be conscious, choose your battles wisely the Things that are really really important and then the way that you go about addressing them is crucial to you getting the end result that you want, which is some change of behavior or agreement. So Ihope this helped and feel free to reach out to me.

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