Dual Times for Divorce

Lee Israch Wright

Certified Divorce Coach

In this video, Lee talks about the grieving and healing timeline that takes place with divorce. She explains how hard it can be when one partner seems so far ahead on this timeline because they will both process it so differently. And one partner is usually further ahead on the timeline than the other and that can make it even harder for the partner who is further behind to watch the other partner moving on. Awareness of this timeline can help with healing, just simple awareness can relieve some of the confusion that leads to depressive thoughts and feelings. It also reminds everyone that grieving is normal and necessary and a part of the process that cannot be skipped for true healing and growth to take place.

Hey everybody, its Lee. I am a divorce coach and today I’m going tobe talking a little bit about the timeline for adjusting to the idea of divorce and getting yourself into that, future thinking, rebuilding phase, and how each person in the couple is going to go through that

it different times. And sometimes that can be very confusing. So if you think about any change in life, one, something is not working. It starts to be frustrating and disappointing, and heartbreaking, and you reach a point where you hit, like kind of rock bottom when you recognize, okay, Ican’t do whatever this is that I’m not liking anymore and then you go through the rebuilding of

okay, I have to change, Ihave to do something differently, I am ready. And then you get to a point of stabilization in that new phase. Of whatever you’ve decided to change. Well, when it comes to divorce, it’s two people who have to go through that process and sometimes one person in the couple goes through that downward slant of, I’m not happy, I need out, this isn’t working anymore and this person over here, doesn’t even realize that the other person in there couple is like getting to Rock Bottom. Where they’re like, I want out, I’m over. And done with this relationship and they tell theother person. Hey, I’m out. I’m tapping out here, and this person now has to go through that downward slant while this person is going through, they’re rebuilding slant up and stabilizing and maybe getting ready to date or things like that.

And this person on the other side is looking and seeing how did theymove on so quickly? How are they healing and rebuilding? I’m still in this. Absolute free fall and you just have to recognize that you’re not both going to go through that timeline at the same Pace especially if you weren’t the one who asked for the divorce, you’re probably going to be further behind than your ex and it definitely helps both parties. I think if you both have recognized and been talking about the fact that their relationship is and Working for awhile and maybe you both decide together at the bottom. Like, all right, we need to end this. We’re just neither of us are happy with each other anymore. And you know, we just can’t seem to make it work, then it’s a lot easier. Hopefully you’re both kind of going through that rebuilding process at the same time.

But most ofthe time it probably doesn’t work that way and we all deal with and process our emotions and Handle discomfort in so many different ways that so many different Paces. So there is no one right or wrong way. And if it looks like your ex is going through the grief or isn’t going through the grief, it can be very disheartening to feel like you’re the only one that is sad or hurting and that’s not the case. Most ofthe time, they might just show it in very different ways they might bottle. Itup, stuff it down compartmentalize, I know, unconsciously for me. I definitely compartmentalize and only dealt with little pieces of processing. My emotions post-divorce, some of my anger and hurt, only really started to.

I only let some of that in and work through some of that 23 years after the divorce. I think I may be Consciously knew that I wasn’t ready to do all of that work right away, but just recognizing that, we all are going to process and deal with something difficult like divorce very differently. And that there is no easy path. You have to go through that painful drop. If you really actually, are connected to your emotions and Then the rebuilding phase can be challenging but beautiful and it’s like an opportunity for awhole new chapter of you. So just something to keep in mind. I hope you are well and doing the best you can one day at a time and you will get out of the dark if you are there right now. Ipromise. So, take care. If this was helpful, please send me a like a comment. Subscribe, that would be great. And I hope you have a wonderful day.




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