Life Transitions

    I’m coach Natalie from Strong Girls on Fire. If you’ve not seen me before and we’re going to be here doing a live, this one looks a little bit different. So if you’ve been watch any of the previous lives that I’ve done when I’ve had a guest, so I feel like a talk show. And I’ve had a guest usually because it’s been during the pandemic or they’ve been in another place, I’ve done it on Zoom, so this is the first time that I’m doing one with the guest in person, so it’s a little bit throwing me off for sure. I just let you know. It’s going to take a little bit of me getting used to this and having the person next to me and we’re kind of going back and forth looking at each other, looking at the screen, you’ll see me reaching out to test the computer so I can see if there’s any comments. Oh, hive. Hey, how are you? Thank you for the comments. So I know that we’re not alone and that we’re actually broadcasting onto Facebook. So again, welcome everyone. If you’re going to be watching this live or watching on the replay, I’m excited to be talking about this topic. I think this is something that I’ve been wanting to talk about for a long time and open it up for all of us to talk about those of us that are getting into our forty s and beyond, which I’m sure is probably a big chunk of the women on this page. As you know that there are lots of changes that are coming that have already probably started for you and it’s difficult to transition through those at times. We all experience that. So I’m happy to be able to open up this form that we can get the conversation started. I suspect this will not be the only one of this topic that we do because it’s such a large topic. We could go on and on for hours. We talked about this before we started that there’s so much to talk about. So we’re going to do our best to do some highlights today and talk. Hopefully you walk away with something that’s helpful to you. And not only that, even if there’s not even some specific tips that are helpful, but just getting that conversation started and what I like to talk about all the time is normalizing those difficult feelings and I think some of that will be doing today.

We were living in the Philippines. It was a change for his job that we were going to try and the divorce was probably coming for a long time, but that was kind of the final straw that led us to decide it was over. And it was a very world shake up for me, but at the same time it created so many beautiful opportunities and a chance for me to grow and reconnect with myself. I kind of just lost who I was and I think that happens to most of us just as when our kids are young, but so there’s beauty that comes through this change. It’s just hard. Thank you for explaining a little bit more. And it’s interesting that you went through the process from the corporate world and helping people with change there to transforming into something that’s very different. I mean, from being a corporate change, I guess a navigator, I’m not sure almost than being like a yoga instructor and then becoming a divorce coach and being that’s much more helping people with their emotional part of it. So that’s a really big transition. Yeah, absolutely. It’s interesting because a lot of people come to yoga when they’re going through a life challenge or a hard time in life or physical challenges. And so as an instructor, I was helping people deal with their physicality and their body issues as they are dealing with change. And then there’s always the emotional aspect because the breath helps center you and calm the mind and the nervous system. But so I worked with people kind of from a more physical, emotional stance in the yoga instructor role. And now it’s a little bit more of like the practical going through the transition and then the visioning of what you want your life to look like post divorce or post major, maybe career change or empty nest. All of these. There’s a whole process of reestablishing yourself in this new phase of life, right? And for sure, and I think that one of the things we talked about prior to this was going on to the live is just that how difficult change can be. I did a live last week, if you guys saw it, about how difficult change is. And that’s something we don’t talk about. We keep talking about how wonderful it is to make positive changes. And all this stuff, even positive change is stressful. It’s difficult because we’re wired for safety and routine. And so any kind of change, even like you mentioned before in the corporate world, that they actually have a person to help with that because change is stressful and I don’t think we normalize that enough and helps people work through that and realize that it’s normal to feel stressful. And in midlife, there are so many changes, probably more than many other times in our lives. I mean, that changes with our bodies changing, with aging parents that you may now, one, be having to take care of, and also the role changes that you’re becoming more of the parent and they’re becoming more of the child as they start they start to lose their independence, possibly, and you’re helping them navigate that. And then you’re now having to talk to your parents in an authoritarian role that you’re not used to. And then also your children, if you have them, are now aging. They may be getting to be teenagers when they were younger before. And that’s the transition of your relationship with them changing. I mean, other things of like them then leaving the home and then becoming an empty nester. That’s something you’re looking forward to in midlife as well. And then with your spouse or your partner, if you have one. Even your divorce, obviously is a big part sometimes of midlife for many men and women. But then also, even if you’re having a healthy relationship that’s going to continue, it’s likely changing as your children get older, as your priorities change, as your body ages and you’re kind of exploring your own, what your needs and wants are, the relationship with your partner is likely changing. So there’s always changes. And there’s a lot of it concentrated in the midlife area, right?

There’s so many aspects of your life that the balls are kind of shifting and your role is shifting. Like with teenage kids, we both have kids who are teenagers and they’re establishing their independence and their own identities and learning to let go some and knowing when to intervene and when to just be a support person for them. It’s a very different role as a parent. I agree. And I think that the one constant, probably many of the changes that you just described is that you as a woman in your life, you’re now focusing more on yourself in some ways, because it’s just like your children are getting older, so it’s like they’re no longer depending on you to be in that type of maternal role. They need you, obviously, but I mean, it’s a different kind of need as your parents get older, your children get older. Now you’re turning to yourself. And this is a time in your life and you’re like, I’m halfway through, likely. So it’s just like, what do I want the rest of my life to look like? And that’s a process that you may not have been doing when you’re in your 20s, early thirty s. So there’s so much focus on midlife and there’s a lot going on, and the help of navigation of it is definitely so important. And if anybody’s out there, that thing is scary. If you guys want to throw in a change that we might have missed a transition that happens in midlife that you want to throw out there, please feel free to leave it in the comments. So one of the things I’ll even say, like a health crisis, a year and a half ago, I found out I had to have heart surgery out of the blue during COVID and I would never have expected in my forty s that I was going to need heart surgery. And that created a whole change of my focus. Like, when your health goes down, for some reason, suddenly everything else disappears and that becomes your central focus. And luckily for me, the process was very positive and I had a lot of support and it was successful, and my heart valve is now working great. But yeah, there’s so many things that could be completely unexpected that come out of the blue and we have to process through them. And we haven’t even talked about that yet. Our body changes, like we’re going to buy that’s a whole nother conversation and a whole nother day. We’ll have to have one of those coming up talking about midlife body changes. But anyway, so one of the things that going back to the transition and the changes, one of the things that we also don’t normalize, I think enough and talk about it. Whenever you’re going through a life change, whether any of the things that we mentioned or just any other change, there’s always a loss involved of what your life looked like before. And then when there’s loss involved, then that leads to some grief. Of course, we all know that when someone dies, there is grief there, but there’s grief for any type of loss that you have in your life. It might look a little bit different depending on the type of loss, but that’s something that you’re experiencing whenever there’s a major change. Absolutely. And they talk about the five stages of grieving, but I think we need to remember that it’s not a linear process. Like we can go through one phase and then the next, and then six months later we’re back in an old phase. And that’s just something to not judge ourselves about and be okay with having feelings that are uncomfortable and letting ourselves sit in those feelings and process through them, not trying to push them away. Because the growth and healing comes from actually letting yourself go into some of those hard feelings and experiencing, like, a breakdown, possibly, or crying. Like our society has said, that’s weakness, but it’s not.

It’s actually very courageous to let yourself go into those emotions. And one of the things, if you guys are not familiar with the stages of that thing, there was a checklist, the stages of beating. And if you guys are not familiar with that, I think it was initially, and I think it’s changed. Some people have modified it a little bit. But anyway, what they’re saying, what she said was that when you’re grieving, there’s these stages that you go through. And generally speaking, as people, we all go through these stages, and one of them is, like, shock and denial, anger and Burgundy depression and sadness, and then acceptance. And there’s one more in there that I’m missing. I think that’s, like, the growth going into this. Okay, yes. What she’s saying is that you don’t go through them in that order, so it’s just like you don’t go through. Okay, now I’m in shock and denial. Okay, now I check that thing is like a checklist. Now I check that off. Okay, now I’m on the pain and guilt. Okay. Now I feel that. Now I check that off. Now I’m on like it doesn’t really work that way. You kind of go back and forth, so you might be like for me, I’ve recently gone through a divorce as well, and I noticed a lot of those stages in myself. And the first part of the shock, for me, it was more like disorienting my life. Now, that’s completely different than what it did last week. And I feel confused. I feel like I’m not really sure where to go. I have no idea what’s coming next. It’s just like a feeling of disorientation for me. And so for me, that was the shock and denial. That was how it looked like for me. But I didn’t just get through that and move on to the next stage of the pain and guilt. It was just like, I felt that, and then I started to feel some pain, and then I’d get some anger, and then I would go back to the disorientation, and then I would feel. And then I think I worked through all of it. And then all of a sudden, I’m way back for a few days and, like, the sadness and anger, and I’m like, wait a minute, I’ve already done this phase. And it’s like, well, things are going to trigger you, and things are going to come up. And that’s healthy and normal if you acknowledge it and give it space to work through. And that might look different for you if you’re, like, seeing your children are leaving the home or just you’re making a change. You’re going back from being a stay at home mom to being a working mom. That’s a whole different which I’ve gone through as well. It’s just like, the first day, I remember I went to work and I went to the bathroom and I was like, oh my God, I can’t believe I’m in a public toilet. I just came out of my house. Why did I do it’s? Just like little things like, this is not where my life was before, and it was something I had chosen, but it was still even those positive changes that you choose, still you can have all of these feelings. And so just it’s helpful to know that you’re not the only one, that everyone is going through some version of it, right? And that it’s very normal because again, change is hard and we are used to routine. So anytime you’re going through a life change that you’re going to experience the feeling of loss for whatever you had before. And it’s just like all of those stages that we were talking about, right? There’s a book that I was talking about with Natalie that’s called Life is in the Transitions mastering Change at Any Age. And he talks about his name is Bruce Filer, but he talks about how generally in life, most people will have like three to five, what he calls life quakes, which are like big changes. Could be like divorce or a sudden loss of a family member or something. But then there are so many other changes that we go through throughout life. And doing the work with selfcare and selflove and taking the time to heal is really important for any even the small changes and not minimizing the impact of them on us. So that’s a good transition into talking about our emotions. And many of the lives I’ve talked about before, many of the posts I’ve made is always like starting with trying to get in touch with your emotions and being accepting of them. And I’ve learned this the hard way, which is why I think that I like harp on it so much because I was always one that I like to be very separate from my emotions. I shut down a lot because it was just that emotions. It’s a whole long story how I got there, but it’s just like, that was comfortable for me. I think people see me now and I’m like but I was always very reserved and I was always very disconnected from my emotions. That’s so interesting because I always want you to be like this. And I was like that for a long time. I didn’t like sharing with other people. I was afraid of showing vulnerability or asking for help and all of that as you start to connect with your emotions and you can connect deeper with other people when you’re willing to open up and share and be vulnerable and let those feelings come out. And one of the things I’m going to put into this once we’re done, some of the things we’re talking about, like the books that we’re mentioning and all of those things that you guys can have the information after. But renee Brown. I think it’s Renee. She’s become my new great.

 I’ve read two of her books recently and one of the things that she mentions and I felt this very much before, you cannot shut down one emotion without shutting them all down. So it’s just like if you’re not allowing yourself to feel the difficult ones, the pain, the anger, the sadness, the grief, you’re also going to not allow yourself to you’re not going to be able to experience the joy, the happiness, the excitement, the passion, all of those, they all get shut down. It doesn’t work that way. So I think we live in a society that tells us do not cry. It’s like it shows weakness when you show any of those emotions that are not the strong emotions, the anger. And so it’s just like knowing that it’s like your feelings or they’re all just feelings, they don’t all feel great, but it’s just like they’re all okay. And especially when you’re going through changes, whatever you’re feeling is an acceptable feeling. So just knowing like, okay, I’m feeling this right now. And I feel like I say this a lot, I’m feeling this right now. It doesn’t feel good, but it is what it is. And I’m going to give myself some space to feel that, to cry if I need to spend some time by myself and just be charged when I need to, to take care of me. Because you’re allowing yourself, accepting allowing yourself. And I think another thing that we forget that there is a connection between our body and our mind and our emotions. And a lot of times when we have stomachaches regularly or tightness in our chest, it’s emotions that we’re not dealing with and it’s not just a physical pain. And so learning to connect with your body and listen to the cues that your body is giving you and helps you realize, like, oh, whenever I feel stressed, my stomach hurts. So how can I address the stress so that I can learn to relax my stomach and the pain? It’s not going to have to be dealt with with pills and not pushing away the symptoms. It’s dealing with the original cause. And a great book kind of on that topic is Whole Again by Jackson Mackenzie, and he talks all about dropping back into your body and learning how to heal the body by working through those emotions. I’ll make sure to put that in the comments after so you guys can have access to that. And yes, I definitely think that it’s just like allowing yourself to feel it and then finding some ways to work through it. Right. And so journaling as well and just like meditation and all those things. Yeah, there’s so many forms of self care, and we talked about how a lot of times people feel guilty for taking time for themselves or doing these things for themselves. But at the end of the day, taking these little bits of time for yourself helps you in every aspect of your life. So, I mean, it can be simple things like giving yourself 15 minutes to take a hot bath and just noticing your body and the feel of the water and thinking about your body relaxing or swimming underwater. For me, water is like very healing. So, like, if I go in a pool and I just swim underwater and I listen to the sounds of the water and my breath and the bubbles and it’s just like really reconnecting with the sensations of your body and your breath. Going to a yoga class. I teach yoga, and sometimes I don’t actually make time for myself to go to a yoga class because I feel like I don’t have time that’s indulgent. And at the end of the day, when I’m not doing taking classes for myself, I am less balanced and then I have things come up with my body or my patience with my kids is less. So it’s really important to find the forms of self care and making the time for that for yourself. And I think we did a whole challenge on self care in a self care week, I believe, on this page before, and self care in general it’s is important, but it’s really important when you’re going through changes and difficult times because of how stressful everything is. And when you’re at your most stress is when you really have to spend time taking care of you to help you recharge, because it’s so draining, because there’s so much going on. And you might say, I don’t have time because it’s so chaotic. But you can take five minutes sporadically throughout the day if that’s all. You have to reconnect with the breath and slow things down or really working on just that mind control, I struggle with that. Like, my mind is always going and so even if it’s two minutes of trying to just make myself focus on my breath so that my mind is not thinking about all the thoughts. And your brain is a muscle just like any other, and so you have to train it and work just like you’re working a muscle and building the muscle. You build that strength of the mind control with meditation and breathing or everybody has to figure out what works for them. And there is another life, coincidentally, that I did about a month or so ago that was about mindfulness and self care and meditation. And so I’m trying to remember to think that as well in the comments so that you guys can go back and look at that if you’re looking. This was actually a short, like a ten minute guided meditation that Amy did as well. That would might be helpful, but definitely mindfulness because of so much going on, of trying to get back into your body right. And just that’s also another way for you to get in touch with your emotions, to start actually feeling kind of getting back to you and in touch with yourself as opposed to being out someplace else. Which again, I think that’s a thing for many women, just not our mind always being someplace else. We’ve always got 20 things going on and so it’s just like you’re always checking off, like having checklists in your head. And so it’s just like and then even at night time, we talked about this last time as well in the meditation and self care. That’s like a nighttime. Even we’re having trouble sleeping because we’re still going through things in our head. We’re waking up in the middle of the night and your brain starts and you’re like no, I’m not going to be able to go back to sleep. Exactly. So definitely and all these things are connected to honoring your emotions and then you can go on to what’s also an important part of every time. Whenever you’re going through a transition of just like finding support, leaning on your support system, or creating a new support system, depending on what type of change you’re going through, something like a divorce or move or a job change or it’s just like it’s likely going to your circle starts to look different. Whether it’s by your choice or whether it’s just because that’s the way it is. When you change or your lifestyle changes, the world around you tends to change as well, to reflect wherever you are in your life. But it’s going to be really important while you’re going through whatever change you’re going through to have a strong support system, to have people that you can lean on. And it doesn’t have to be a huge network. It’s usually for most people it’s one or two people who you can completely open up to and or who can be there for you to just kind of fall into their arms and just not even have to talk but let them. They are just there for you. And sometimes it’s someone you wouldn’t expect, it’s a momentary and sometimes it’s a person that you can turn to regularly. But also one thing I’ve learned is being there for myself. Like the whole process of going through the divorce and refining my own footing has been learning that I’m OK on my own and I can be there for myself and I can spend time on my own and be okay with it and do those self care things for me, which is showing my self love. But I think all of those are important. And then like I was telling Natalie that when I went through my divorce, finding something that brings you joy for me it was Latin dancing and it was something I thought I wanted to do when I was married and we attempted it and that didn’t go well for us. So I tabled. It. I didn’t just continue by myself because it wasn’t something he liked. And then when we were splitting, I happened to come across a class and someone who was doing it and I just dived in and that was my silver lining for the rough period of that first year. And it gave me something that was just for me and it was connection with other people. It was meeting new people. It was a reason to get dressed and go out and heels once in a while to just practice. And I think it’s nice if you can find something for yourself and it might be a creative outlet like painting or even if it’s gardening and connecting with nature or an animal, I think it helps if everybody can find something that brings them to a joyous place, I think, for sure. And I think that’s part of building your new tribe and creating a life that fits you, creating a life that you love. Like I like to say all the time, creating a new normal for you. Whatever that depending on whatever changes you’ve gone through is going to include hopefully filling it with things that bring you joy, things that you haven’t done in the past. But now it’s just like, I’m creating this new normal. What do I want it to look like? Hopefully, part of it is building your new tribe or building a tribe whether it’s the current people around you or a new one that you’re building, but being able to fill it with things like how are you wanting? Your new life or the life that you’re now, whether it’s new or not. What do you want your life to look like going forward? Considering whatever change you have just gone through? What will the new normal be for you? This is your chance to design. It midlife to me. And there’s also a quote by Renee Brown that I cannot remember, but it talks about midlife being a chance to kind of stop and look around and reevaluate and just like, what do I want the next half of my life to look like, right? And so it’s a good chance to start filling it with things, intentionally filling it with things that you want. 

Up until this point, many things may have happened by chance, you know what I mean? A lot of them are so busy when your kids are young and so you don’t even have time to think, it’s just go, go. But now there’s space as the kids start to leave your house or to actually think for yourself, like, what do I want my next phase to look like? And part of the grieving or letting go of the old is knowing that there’s new that’s going to grow. Like I was telling Natalie that there’s a metaphor that I just read of when a big old tree starts to die. And as it goes away, the branches that die make space for new sunlight to come down and hit the seeds that are on the ground and for them to grow. But a death has to take place in order for those seeds to get light and grow. And change is a little bit of a death and letting go and then the new can come from that. But we have to be patient and trust the process and be gentle and graceful to ourselves and our bodies and be even aware of the self talk as we’re going through the process of what are we saying to ourselves? Like that fear brings up a lot of maybe self judgment and learning to catch yourself. That mindfulness is also just catching yourself when you aren’t being kind to yourself. So definitely self compassion is, I mean, throughout the process of wherever you’re at and the change is going to be very important and I think self compassion is always important, but particularly when you’re going through a transition because there is a lot going on, as you’ve been saying over and over again, it is very stressful. And so allowing yourself to struggle a little bit. There’s no change without struggle. Did I just make that up? No, that’s a good one. No, I think I’ve heard that so weird. But yeah, there’s no change without struggle. And so the struggle comes with stress and giving yourself some grace and allowing that to happen. But as you start creating a life that you love, it’s just like then like you mentioned before, designing it in a way that works for you, knowing that there is going to be some difficulty, it’s not going to be a straight line. And also when you get back to building your new tribe in case that’s something that you do need to do. I hear that a lot with women that is just like how do you develop friendships, new friendships when you’re in your forty s and beyond. It gets harder and harder as you get older. I think part of that process, part of what makes it more difficult is that we’re kind of stuck in our routine. It gets harder and harder to step out of our comfort zone to go meet people that now reflect the person that we are today. So it’s putting yourself out there in new situations feels overwhelming at times. And when I was younger and I moved to Atlanta from North Carolina, I wanted to meet friends. My exhusband was traveling for work and I was like, how do I meet new people in this new city? I was working kind of remotely. Sometimes I would have to travel so I wasn’t meeting people through work. And I joked that I was kind of like dating. I was making an effort to meet people. I would meet someone somewhere. I joined a tennis team and I started taking classes. Anything I could think of that might be interesting. And I would start talking to people and I’d be like, do you want to have lunch sometime? Like the random girls? But I really ended up making some very nice friends. But it does take putting yourself out there and working through that discomfort sometimes. And so there are some ways if this is something that’s difficult for you and trying to find a tribe or a new tribe or just adding some to your current tribe that you feel like that might more reflect wherever your life situation is right now. And you can do it in small ways to start. And I always recommend if you’re making any changes to start small because of all the discomfort involved in making a change. It’s so much easier when you do small steps and then kind of graduate from there. So it’s like there’s so many online. Whatever you are going through, there is an online community for you. And even if you’re not comfortable making comments, you can sit in the background and just read other people’s comments. That’s a great start. So where at least you’re starting to expand your current area, and if you’re going through a divorce, if you’re going through an empty nester, if you’re making changes to your job, if you’re a stay at home mom and you’re becoming a full time mum, or you’re like leaving your job and going to something part time to start a business, There is a group out there, I’m telling you. So that is a great way to start with online. If you don’t feel comfortable in going out, like you don’t feel particularly extroverted. I’ve talked about the extroversion. You can work on becoming more than I’m not either. We pushed ourselves, there’s lots of ways to get started in doing that and there’s always a group online.

In person support groups on the meet up app is what I’ve been using a lot recently to meet people that are my current interests. And so it’s in every town as far as I know, in probably the United States, unless you’re about outside and they have everything, like there is a topic or an activity for almost everything out there. And you might look and just see, like something that you would never have thought of trying. And you can go and give it a try. And if you don’t like it or taking whatever your interests are, as Lee mentioned before, taking dancing lessons, even if you don’t meet your new BFF at your dance studio, at least you’re like starting to put yourself into that mode of meeting people and then it gets easier and easier. And so if nothing else, you’re then at least following your interests and you’re just being around people that have the same interests as you. And so you can be very strategic about building your life in the way that looks, whatever it is that you want it to look like. And like something I used to talk about a lot in yoga is finding comfort in the discomfort or being comfortable in the uncomfortable. And that applies physically if you’re pushing yourself in a class or working out, but it applies to life as well. Like going to something that my first dance social, I was so nervous and so scared and uncomfortable. But then I pushed through and the second time and the third time it got a little easier and a little easier and it’s not giving up too quickly because something feels stressful or uncomfortable. But pace yourself and give yourself that decompression time in between because you don’t want to stress yourself out attempting to do something fun. But yeah, it’s trial and error of trying different things and seeing what works for you. I think it’s a great point because sometimes years ago when I was trying to go out and meet people, because as I said before, it might be shocking to you, but I was very shy and it was very difficult. And I had a counselor, which is one of the things I want to get back to talk about therapy, but I had a counselor, she was like, try going to this event. It was something that I was interested in and I went and I sat there, I was so uncomfortable the whole time and I didn’t meet anybody because I didn’t really try, because I was freaked out. And I went back to her and I’m like, I went and it was not great and I didn’t meet anybody, but it was just like I was expecting to go and have this life changing experience and that wasn’t it, you know what I mean? It was just like it would have taken me having to continue going out, trying a different place, going again, maybe talking to one person, seeing a few things. It’s a process, it doesn’t happen. So if you do go out or if you try to talk to someone, it doesn’t work out, know that you’re going to have to continue doing that. You’re basically building that muscle of being able to try to talk to new people and meet new people. It’s going to take a while for you to get there, but just commit to not giving up, right? Yeah. And as I’ve mentioned before, and I’ll keep saying it, change is difficult. That includes when you’re meeting new people, that includes when you’re building a new tribe, it includes when you’re getting a new job. Anything you’re doing, it’s going to take time of you adjusting to wherever you’re at and kind of building that muscle to be able to handle the change. It’s uncomfortable, it’s scary. As a vet said at some point and earlier on, it’s difficult. So give yourself again some grace and compassion and know that. Just be patient with yourself, knowing that it’s going to take some time. One of the things I did want to bring up, the importance of counseling, as I do very frequently, and if you’re going through a transition. That doesn’t necessarily mean you have to go to counseling every time you’re going through a transition. But if you’re struggling at all, it is a fantastic place to go to help you get some support, to help you sort through all the overwhelming feelings, to sort through the disorientation, to help you process the grief, all the things that we’re talking about, the grief, honoring your emotions, creating a new life, building a tribe, all of those things. A counselor, a good counselor can help you. Finding a good one is important. So for me, I’ve gone for therapy with a therapist to help me work through all of my issues from my past and past traumas. But then I have hired like a coach for helping me look at dating and attachment styles. I find sometimes coaches are really helpful for looking forward in your next steps. And I also worked with a coach on something called Tre or trauma release exercise. And I feel like as a divorce coach, it’s someone who’s helping you go through the process of the divorce itself. Sometimes it’s the day to day practical things of actually getting yourself to write down questions to ask an attorney. Like, it’s so overwhelming or scary, just even sitting down to write those questions is hard and a coach can help you organize yourself. But a lot of times a therapist is wonderful to help with past traumas and some of them are like coaches and work with you on your next steps. But sometimes finding a coach for that specific area of life is also very helpful. I definitely agree that coaches I’m a health and wellness coach. If you’re looking for that, you know where to find one. But I mean, definitely, of course I would like to agree to the importance of coaching. They’re going to play a different role than a counselor would be and they’re going to be more of a hands on, kind of more that you can reach out to, helping you some accountability as well. And just being someone that’s going to help guide you through as a counselor, that can also do some of that. They’re probably going to be a little bit more expensive, I think, but they can also help with the validation part, depending on the council that you find. So definitely coaches and counselors would work hand in hand and both of those would be good resources for you.

So it’s just like definitely that’s just something I just encourage anybody to do, honestly. But especially if you’re going through a change or a transition, that’s like a lifestyle thing, they’re so helpful in finding support in that area. Definitely, yeah. I mean, we’re always going through changes, but for the big changes, having additional support outside of your typical network. Or sometimes people feel like they’re overwhelming their network of support with their needs, and it takes away some of the guilt if you’re paying someone to help you through things. Because sometimes you don’t want to ask your support network for help because you feel like you’ve bombarded them with so much or you’re stressing them out. And honestly, I don’t think you need to worry about that. But a lot of people do. Absolutely. Yeah. And the other part of it that we didn’t talk about with finding a support is finding support that’s actually helpful to you. Because just because someone is close to you doesn’t necessarily mean they’re going to be a good support. It’s very difficult to know how to support someone, especially if you’re going through something that they have not been through. Right. And so when you’re looking for support, what you need is someone that’s going to show empathy to you and be able to help validate what you’re feeling without judging you, without saying, well, you shouldn’t feel that. Well, at least you’ll be telling me what you should do or what you should feel, especially that’s not helpful. And then also telling you advice sometimes when you don’t really want it. And sometimes what you need, which is actually the clear picture of what empathy is, is for someone to say, I see what you’re going through, I feel you. I’ve had other examples of stuff where I felt it too, and I’m here to sit with you while you go through it. Right. That’s empathy as opposed to, well, you really shouldn’t feel that way and you should feel this way. And you know what? It could be you could be a lot worse off. That does not help. Maybe you should try this. Sometimes it’s a place for advice, you know what I mean? But many times what we really need is someone just to sit with us in our pain. And that’s what empathy is. And sometimes it’s hard to find that from people that don’t actually know how to do it because we’re kind of trained to solve problems as people. It’s like everybody wants to be a fixer. We want to help everybody to fix their problems. But someone who can really help you is asking you the right questions to help you figure out what is the best next step for you and helping you figure out the answer that is in your heart, that is going to help you. And finding people who are good at asking the questions to help you dig deep rather than trying to fix it for you, that’s crucial. Yeah. And so I think counselors and coaches are probably better trained to do that so that’s I think we’re a good place. Even if you have a good support system where it’s sometimes important to go to someone that’s objective, that doesn’t know all of your history and just kind of sit with you activities and the nonjudgmentalness. And even though I am a coach and when I’m in coach mode, I can do that. But then sometimes when I’m with friends, I go back to the it’s so hard to stay back and just be like, for sure, like really getting into the person. It’s almost like, what have you tried back on with your friends and family? And it’s like, this should be easier if I’m using it during the day. And I want to look at some of the comments here. So one is like, COVID made it difficult to do that. I’m assuming that’s more about finding out our system, but it’s true. But hopefully that’s changing a little bit. Now things are opening back up. As you can see, we’re sitting next to each other. But even if you’re not comfortable with that yet, that’s where the online thing comes in. And even some of the groups that I’ve been on that, they’re kind of like a hybrid. So it’s like on Zoom where you get to talk to people as opposed to just typing and see people. They’re still not face to face. So that’s an option. Or if you have trouble getting out of the house for whatever reason, that’s always an option to help you get support. One of the things because we’ve mentioned reading as well. I feel like that’s another area that you can consider support, because it’s just like you can get a book or a blog or anything like that that talks about what you’re going through and that helps you work through it without actually having to talk to the person writing the book. That’s a great resource as well for finding support and building your tribes because it’s just like you’re getting good information from someone that’s helpful even though you don’t personally know the person. It’s a great way to kind of help you and support you while you’re going through it. Like the way that I found that book. The life is in the transitions. Mastering change at any age. I typed in transition into a podcast searcher and there was a podcast that came up that was they were interviewing this author and I listened to the interview and I really liked what he had to say. So then I bought his book on Audible and listened to that while I clean the house and stuff. So sometimes just searching podcasts by a topic or a word and then you can find books by the authors who are being interviewed. And yeah, books are wonderful, a wonderful resource. And so we’re getting to the end. So before we do that, though, I do want to touch on the part a little bit more about creating a life you love. Because, you know, that is my goal with anyone that’s watching to help them create a life they love. I am continuously working on creating a life that I love. It is a constant process that never going to be done. No, but yeah, I have an idea of where I’m trying to work towards. And so one of those things I’d like to encourage you to do whatever change that you’re going through or continuing to go through, or that you might go through as you’re designing your life. And I like to say that intentionally designing your life, I think it’s really just taking off the limits many times that we put limits on ourselves of what we can do. And I want to mention this very quickly. I read a book a while back where I listened to it. I think it was rich dad. Poor dad. And even though I felt like I was already in a place where I was starting to remove the limits of my mind, I hadn’t done it when it came to money. And that book really opened me up. I always thought that rich people kind of like they were off in some I don’t know where they came from, but I was like, I was not that person and I was never going to be that person. And then after I read that book, I was like, why couldn’t I? Yeah, there’s really no reason except that I needed to learn. I have to learn particular skills, I have to make a plan. There’s things I would have to do to get there. It may not have to start with the mind, but yes, but it was more about for me, it’s not that they’re then and I’m not that and I can achieve exactly for me with money, but I’m not necessarily telling you to do that with money. What I’m saying is that look at wherever in your life that it’s like where you might have some of those limits and get rid of them. What’s the worst that can happen if you have this set up and it doesn’t happen exactly like I’ll be disappointed. Have you been disappointed before? Many times. And have you survived it? They say you much better to try and fail than never to have tried at all. When you look back, you try some things and you put yourself out there and it doesn’t work. And what comes out of that mostly are life lessons and growth and recognition that maybe that was not the right path or not the right time, but failure should be looked at as another life lesson. Yes. That is either I win or I’m in.

I’m just full of quotes to say yes. So it’s just like so start as you’re creating your new life, start looking at where you can remove some of those limits and dreaming bigger. I always like to encourage us to dream big because for a long time I very much limited my dream. And then once I started to take the lid off, it was just like, wow. And it gets more and more. I keep thinking, yeah, I’m getting there. Then all of a sudden, I’m like, wow, I can even dream even bigger than I was before. So it’s just like really starting to remove the limits and designing the life that you actually want and if it falls little short, it falls little short. But at least it’s just like you’re working. You’re going to get closer one step at a time. It’s another code. Like even if you reach for the third start, something like that. And if you don’t make you hit something anyway. But it’s just like you’re going to get closer than where you are right now. So that would be what I’d like to close with. That topic of just like taking off the limits and just review some of the things that we’ve talked about is this, that changes difficult transitions. There’s so many of them in minimize, don’t minimize them. It is challenging and it’s hard and it’s an emotional process and it can physically impact you. And take the time to take care of yourself through that. There’s loss involved which will result in grief. So allow yourself to feel all those, let those feelings come up and feel them and work through them so that the growth can take place. Honoring your emotions that you talked about, that is just like a that means accepting them, giving them space, letting them breathe, working through them, getting in touch with your body, reconnect with your body and your breath. And slow that nervous system down so that you’re not in that reptilian brain. You’re actually using that executive function, the front part of your brain. That is the rational, calm part of your brain. But we need to slow everything down in order to get there. We’ll have to have another diver. We talk about what that means. But basically it’s just like letting your emotions, like working through your emotions so that you can think rationally when you’re working through all the things that you’re doing. Because when you’re in transition mode, there’s a lot that you’re having to do. So it’s just like the better you can be managing your emotions, the calmer you are. And the more calm that your nervous system is, the more rational you can be about your thoughts and your decisions. But it takes mindfulness and breath, deep breath, and slowing things down. And selfcare. And selfcare in order to keep that executive function, that front part of your brain online. Using your support system, building a new support system if you needed. We talked about different ways to do that as well. And visioning what it is that you want your life to look like. That’s right. Ending with creating a life that you love and not doing it without limits and allowing yourself to go through the process. This is going to take time. All of this takes time. It doesn’t happen. There’s no checklist like events, but there’s no checklist. It takes time. There is a checklist, but it takes time. And sometimes you have to go back and check the boxes multiple times. Multiple times. I think we’re coming to the end. Anything else you’d like to no, this was wonderful. I’m really glad that I could be here. And if you want to get in touch with me, I have a website, it’s, and I’m also on Instagram. I think it’s okay. It’ll take a little bit for me to get the information to the comments, but I’ll put it all or not in the comments into the description of this video and some of the links to the books or at least the names of the books that we mention as well, and then leads information. And if you have any follow up questions, put them in the comments. We’ll keep checking them ongoing and then we’ll respond to it. If you’re watching this on the replay, please keep making comments and then we can always answer them. I’ll have Leak and look out for it as well. If you want to talk to her directly, she’s obviously in the group, so you can just leave a question or comment there. And also with me, you can always comment there, or you can always just message me through the Struggles on Fire page. Or you could actually just put a post in and I will see it because I have to approve it, and then you can get to me that way as well. But I just thank you so much, Lisa. This has been a great conversation that we’ll be able to continue this conversation definitely because it is such an important one and there’s so much stuff that we didn’t talk about that we could have talked about. And if you want to hear more about this topic or about any other topic, please put it into let me know in some way so that I know what type of workshops or type of lives or what you guys need, what’s helpful to you as we’re all building the life that we love. I’m going forward and that’s it. Thank you, Lee. Again, I’m Coach Natalie from Strong Girls on Fire. Thank you all for being here, supporting this page. It’s growing. I’d like it to grow some more. Please keep inviting any women that you know that what you feel like would benefit from this information. Keep engaging with each other, keep supporting the page and each other. I’d love to see that, and that’s how we’re all going to move forward toward the life that we love. Absolutely. Thank you. Bye. Take care.